YESTERDAY
Got off the plane dizzy. Something about Air NZ waking you up at 3am to give you breakfast. Lurch into the room. Have a power nap. Then 1 litre of coffee, five vitamin C tablets and I GET MY ASS TO THE POOL. The flight has given me elephant ankles, and I do not wish any of our party to sight them (complete strangers are totally fine though and in fact I ask some of them to take this featuring photo) so I skulk off to the watery retreat on Level 2 and commence getting stuck in. Everyone else goes walking.
Total heaven by the pool. Waikiki in autumn is golden and hot, but the searing heat that braises you like a pork chop on a grill has left for the southern hemisphere and you can lie out here for hours. This particular aqua-fabulous is only 1 foot 8 inches deep. Nice! When my fat feet get too crispy I take them for a circuit in this adult paddling pen, the precious new bikini never having to get submerged.
I send enticing messages back home from the lounger, mostly because I’m a bitch, and get the usual longing replies. Excellent!
The tireds show up early so we loaf on over to John’s room for aperitifs and the never-ending CNN commentary on the election. It’s riveting, being in the US right now. The undercurrent of “revenge-voting” is so scary. “Imma vote for Trump cos I f—g hate Hillary!” I get quite aghast at it. It’s like People Of Wal Mart, but in a far more serious and sinister way. Bill the big boy Clinton gets wheeled out all over the place and even I have to admit, he’s still got it.
TODAY
Wake up raring to go. Swallow as much filter coffee as I can hold from the enormous machine on the bench, which is also of considerable acreage. Coffee disgusting, will never sample again, make note to get coffee delivered to room from gorgeous little place downstairs from now on. We are staying a bit north of the Waikiki retail epicenter and I like it. The room is huge, you get so much more for the dollar even just 500m away from that black hole of plastic gaucheness.
I go jogging along the beachfront and find the PERFECT water fountain on which to perch my phone to snap the vanity run shot. It’s 24c at 7am, I’m sweaty and slow, but getting everything flowing and endorphinated feels wonderful out here.
And I need to feel good because I have agreed to go to Waikele, outlet store hideousness, with Craig, Jackie & John. The place is so depressing, but the others seem to love it. I hate it. I purchase a silk dress in Boss to cheer myself up and stop the “Buy something for YOU” nagging. I then manage to get into a US Size 2 in another dress, which I do not ring up, because it is $1400, and this makes me weirdly elated. I have a little moment where I feel high. Anyway, I corporate-wife my way through the rest of it, getting Lano kitted out and sufficiently clothes-sated so that we can get back on the bloody bus of perma-tourists and bugger off out of here!
Golden run.
Auntie Carrie 