Seeing as nobody is interested in investment stuff over Christmas, I whacked something else up last night for this week’s column. I wonder if Patrick will actually print it.
‘Twas the night before bonus, when everyone earns,
Not a broker was stirring, not even interns.
The appraisals were looked at by HR with care,
In hopes that good margins so soon would be there.
The funds were nestled all snug in their Wraps
While visions of alpha just danc’d in their laps,
The GM in his best suit, and I in my gauze
Had settled our brains for a long summer’s pause
When out on the market arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the screen, I flew like a flash,
Tore open my login, and threw up some cash.
The Dow on the breast of the newly plunged Yuan,
Gave luster of mid-day to another Black Swan.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature Fed and some tiny reindeer,
With a new certain driver, so lively and proud
I knew in a moment it must be St. Loud
More rapid than eagles his policies came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and call’d them by name:
“Now Healthcare! Now Migrants! Now Taxes! Now Jobs!
“On Coalmines! On Families! Get working you slobs!
“To the top of the bill! To the top of the wall!
“Now whack away! Bash away! Slash away all!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up into Congress the statutes they flew,
With a sleigh full of gauche, and St. Mania too
And then in a twinkling, I heard on Bloomberg
The prancing and pawing of each little word
As I drew in myself, and was turning around,
Down Wall Street St. Obvious came with a bound
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had lots more to dread.
He spoke way too much, but went straight to his work,
And fill’d in the Treasury; then turn’d with a jerk,
He sprung to his throne, to his team gave a holler,
And away they all flew, beck and call of a dollar
But I heard him exclaim, ere he whizzed out of sight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good FRIGHT!
Auntie Carrie 